User:SandboxScrub
“Saint Mac” strikes out in response to spiritual conflict By Camello De Mucho-Verdura
The Department of Lazy Policemen has been alerted by outside sources of a new developing conflict in Oloman. However, unlike previous reports, this development has spiritual dealings.
An argument between The Church of Graminoidology and The Church of Shiva has escalated to the point of violence. The newest of the 12 Graminoid saints, Mac, has been denied the right of a second “spirit animal ritual”, the ritual which takes place in order to find ones true animal counterpart. After going through this ritual on Saturday last week, Mac has argued that he had not been given enough time to find the entirety of his spirit animal and demands a second ritual. Although the saint’s demands seem justified, The Church of Shiva is hesitant to let the second ritual happen because they have never given a second chance of ritual in their existence. “We’ve had the church for half a million years,” says Ruu, disciple of Shiva, “never once have we let someone take an extra ritual, we cannot break this boundary now.”
Saint Mac explores the spiritual, emotional, and physically appealing states of graminoid-encapsulating fields of research and meditation because he feels that his true spirit animal was not found entirely in the previous ritual. Mac believes extremely that the size and density of his spirit animal was not completed throughout the sun ritual and slaying of the sacred goat on the rock of despair. However, because many priests and disciples of the sun god Shiva have denied Mac his right to take a second ritual, Mac has been forced to take desperate measures in order to uncover what he says is the back “hoof” of his spiritual creature. However, many members of The Church of Shiva speculate that it was not a hoove but a tentacle, and that, contrary to Saint Mac’s belief, his spirit creature was indeed complete. Even though his measurable threats have already started to prove an “unearthly threat to the basic security needs of camels and pre-schoolers carrying washable markers all over the planet” followers of The Church of Shiva are still ignoring his brutal attacks.
The Spirit Animal Ritual was created by the second holy pope of The Sun God Shiva, Arool Abufad. The ritual involves a very complicated process of baking hot bread and sitting on it over a bed of nails while meditating, after an hour of meditating, a “ritual blesser” will tie a silk blindfold, and supplies a goat on a sacred table, the person completing the ritual has to slay the goat over the sacred table with a stone knife. “When you slay the goat it just comes to you,” says lead ritual blesser Nolan Nolast-Name, “one moment there’s nothing, the next theres a giant creature all up in your face.”
The Church of Shiva argues to The Church of Graminoidology that the slaying of two goats over the sacred table would be unholy and could lead to demons and such entering our world. “After last time... we just can’t risk any more demons.” says Holy Shiva Warrior Tyler Abufad, son of Arool Abufad. Tyler is referring to an incident a few centuries ago when a demon past into our world and destroyed an entire continent.
“If I choose to travel the path of least resistance, then I shall be forever intoxicated by the mere thought of having chosen not the path of most resistance,” says Mac in a sermon to a company of traveling grasshoppers, explaining to them his dilemma with the disciples of the sun god Shiva “for if this higher cognitive process happens ever to stray across my cerebral cortex I shall be drowned in unanswerable questions that only secure my cruel bounds to the human race.” Unfortunately, we have not yet been alerted of the progress in this certain case and do not yet know whether Mac has succeeded in his spiritual protest or if this sacred injustice has been sanctified unforgivably.
The color of the fourth year lanyard is orange