Two Seals
Contents |
The History
"Two Seals" is, by far, the funniest joke that ever existed. At its utterance, anyone within hearing distance will involuntarily burst into guffaws, and no Duke East comedian's repertoire is complete without it. It's a classic TIP tradition, and of equal merit as WaSW or Blister in the Sun.
At the 2004 Term II Talent Show, numerous fourth years recited it at the podium in different languages in between acts, retaining the English words "Crisco" and "typewriter" (see below) for better recognition and hilarity. They increased in intelligibility towards the end of the show, culminating in Spanish, Pig Latin, and at the very end, English.
Since then numerous other TiPsters have made an effort to translate Two Seals into other languages, including Latin, Icelandic, Danish, and even Quenya (the "high-elven" language created by J.R.R. Tolkien).
As of late, the joke has been frequently told by former-TA, current-APA, and general all around TIP staffer extraordinaire Will Harris. It seems that in his capacity as the go-to emcee for any event that needs emceeing, Will has decided that any length of silence greater than 10 seconds should be filled with the Two Seals joke. Similarly, if more filler is needed, Will is known to voice his logic for why ninjas are superior to pirates.
The Original
Two seals are sitting in a bathtub full of waaaaarm Crisco. One seal turns to the other and says "Hey, can you pass the soap?" to which the other replies, "what do I look like, a TYPEWRITER?"
Translations
French
Si, il y avait deux phoques, assis dans un baignoire de Crisco chaud. Un phoque a dit à l'autre, «Hé, pourriez-vous me donner du savon?» Dont l'autre phoque a répondu, «Qu'est-ce que je me semble? Une machine à écrire??»
Icelandic
Tveir selir sitja saman í heitu baði un Crisco. Annar selurinn segir við hinn “Hey, geturðu rétt mér sápuna?” þá segir hinn selurinn, “lít ég út fyrir að vera typewriter?”
Quenya
Ela! Eär atta ëarrávi, hárala pityanendessë lauca... Crisco. I minya earrá quet' i tatyanna: "É! Ma antuvalye nin i lipsa?" I tatya quetë: "Ma nye-cénal tambë nan typewriter?!?"
Spanish
Pues, hay dos focas, y están sentándose en una bañera de Crisco caluroso. Y una de las focas dice a la otra, "¿Oye, puedes pasarme el jabón?" Y la otra dice, "Como que aparezco... una typewriter?
German
So, es gibt zwei Seeloewen, und sie setzen in eine Badewanne gefuellt von warmes Crisco. Und ein Seeloewe sagt zum Andere, ,,Kannst du die Seife ubergeben?" Und der andere sagt, ,,Wie sehe ich aus, ein Typewriter?!"
Chinese
兩個密封坐在浴缸waaaaarm Crisco。一個密封轉向其他的，並說：“嘿，你可以通過肥皂？”其他答复，“我的樣子，一台打字機嗎？”
Japanese
2つのシールはwaaaaarmクリスコの完全な浴槽に座っている。一つのシールは、他に変わり、"ねえ、あなたが石けんを渡すことができますか？"と言うこれに他の返信は、"何を私がタイプライターのように見えますか？"
Hebrew
שני כלבי ים יושבים באמבטיה מלאת waaaaarm קריסקו. אחת חותם פונה אל אחרים ואומר "היי, אתה יכול להעביר את הסבון?" שאליו תגובות אחרות, "מה אני נראה, מכונת כתיבה?"
Klingon
(Rough) cha' seals 'oH ba' Daq qa bathtub teblu'ta' vo' nargh Crisco wa' seal tlhe' Daq latlh 'ej jatlhtaH laH SoH juS the soap Daq nuq the latlh replies nuq ta' jIH legh rur qa TYPEWRITER?
