Tsars of no pants

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The Tsars of No-Pants was the collective effort of a small group of friends who banded together in order to inspire Duke West II 2005 to great aspirations. Inspired by some improvisational jamming during evening activities, the idea to form the world's greatest air band fell upon these young lads' minds. With the encouragement of the benevolent RC Will, the band's manager, the group began to brainstorm and learn the fundamentals of applying the principles of air guitar to other musical forms. Thus it became:

  • Taylor Dacko- vocals
  • Ian Hainline- lead guitar
  • David Faber- bass guitar
  • Luke Allgeyer- drums
  • Maciej Gajda- violin/tambourine/keyboard

Word spread of this new sensation about to appear at the 2nd TIP dance. Posters sprung up around the buildings, and onlookers wondered as to how a band was going to perform at TIP. Stress was high throughout the band, and there was even some dissent from one of the members. However, opening night came, and the band reconciled. When the time came, Will took the microphone and introduced the band, and the masses turned towards the staircase to discover a group of five people standing around with not an instrument to be found. Their awkward glances were soon turned to cheers and screams of joy when the group came to life, intricately performing their duties with the skill and finesse of true musicians. "By the Way" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and "School of Rock" by Jack Black was on the venue for that wonderful opening night.

After their debut performance, students and staff alike shouted for more Tsars. Loyal fans and groupies flocked to the latest hot property, congratulating them and cheering for an encore. The band kept much of their plans under wraps, in apparent attempt to incite the greatest excitement possible. It was much applause, then, that greeted the Tsars at the final dance, hoping for another wild, thrilling experience. But the Tsars showed that they could handle any form of music in air form, and led the crowd in a somber rendition of "Here's to the Night" by Eve 6, the unofficial theme song of TIP 2005- serenading Lenora's Menorahs in particular. And it was at this moment, too, when everyone realized that they might not see the Tsars again.

But the Tsars wouldn't let things die out just yet. They battled for a place in the talent show, and their plan was almost foiled when the staff would only let them play one song, when in fact they had a whole playlist to entertain the crowd on that fantastic last night. Rumors spread that the group was holding their best song for last, and the discussion was heated as to identify the song. So the camp was pleased to find Taylor, Luke, and Ian hosting that talent show, and every moment of seeing them onstage was one more urge to see that last finale. Then, in one instant, David and Maciej ran down to the stage, and the entire crowd roared at the spectacle that was about to appear. As David started hitting a few air notes on base, the tune of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet blasted over the speakers. And suddenly the stage erupted in a flurry of action and emotion as the Tsars came in full force, giving it their all in what was sure to be the last time they would ever play. And when it ended a crowd gathered beneath the stage, begging just to touch what was for a few brief minutes the epitome of celebrity. The band looked at eachother and congratulated eachother on a job well done, knowing that their air band dream had was both ended and fulfilled.

Only a day later the Tsars were spread across the county, home from a camp at Duke University that had brought out a greatness the likes of which TIP has rarely seen. Little is yet known about their whereabouts, although some witnesses have reported their activities as of late. Luke is fighting dark wizards in his spare time. Maciej was deported back to his native Poland. David picked up the leading role in "SuperJew: The Movie." Ian attended a synagogue where he hopes to become the first red-headed Rabbi. And Taylor is out there, somewhere, still promoting the Tsars of No-Pants.