Oh Noetry

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Bad poetry, oh noetry! Oh Noetry is a book of bad poems. A composition notebook was found lying open on a picnic table outside of the Brown Computer Lab one day during Term II 2005, by numerous PILFers including Jessie "Skippy" Tanner and Jaclyn Kottman. They read it aloud with much laughter during their computer lab class time and left it there, where it was found again by Mel Weyant and Aaron Greenwood, who could not help but share it with the rest of the Llama Posse and all of TIP. Inspired by the writer's genius, people quickly began contributing to the notebook themselves, with purposely terrible poetry. Lauren Thomas coined the term "Oh Noetry," based on a Toothpaste for Dinner comic strip. It should be noted that the first two contributions by tipsters were by the Llama Mamas of '05 and '06, (Kathleen Mayer and Eric Mefford), respectively. Since that fateful day, the Oh Noetry book has been filled with poems written by TIPsters (mostly fourth years from the Llama Posse). The poems in the Oh Noetry book are intentionally written horribly, except for the first two poems, which are of unknown origin. We can only hope that they didn't come from a young writer.

The two original poems in their perfect untouched form:

Somethings happend
Something bad
Somethings happened
Something sad
My soul is crushed
My spirit gone
All I once was has said so long
I can't find it
I can't get it back
But my spark isn't all I lack
Someone has been erased
From time and thought
And somehow
I doubt this person fought.


Shopping
Its not as easy as it seems
It could take 5 hours
to find the pumps of your dreams
But I love shopping
After 3 hours
of searching all the sales
you find the perfect skirt
you try it on it fails.
But still I love shopping
Those pumps of your dreams
now they start to hurt
you take them of regretfully
as you put back that perfect skirt
But still we love shopping.
going home with blisters
20 bags in hand
now we must go shopping
to find the perfect man

The oh-noetry book tradition was carried on in 2006 by Devin Alford and very nearly filled up by mostly fourth years and some kick ass third years too. Sadly, someone left the book back stage after the talent show and the doors to the auditorium remained locked.

To go to the Oh Noetry LJ community, click here

An example Oh Noetry:

Starbucks Frappucino
Like cappuccino,
Or Al Pacino
Except... frothy. Or frappy.
Mmm, corporations.

--Kathleen Mayer

Two poems written at East II '05 about Kinky Tom:

"Kinky & Open-Minded"

Oh Tommy, Kinky Tommy
I bet you'd like to call me "mommy"
You like black leather and sexy whips
When you drink rum, your morals slip
You like the girlies and the boyzes
Moaning's not enough, you make animal noises
I know what you want
But how could I deliver?
We'd simultaneously play Doctor, Horny dogs,
AND Victim and Killer
I don't have enough holes
To satisfy you
I couldn't play enough roles
At once, but I'd love to ride you
I bet you wish there were not 2, but 3 genders
You'd take it rough, nuclear, and sometimes
Tender
Oh Tom, to unlock your boundless sexuality
Is impossible
But I know if I asked you for ANYTHING
You'd go "Yeah, that's plausible."

--Kathleen Mayer

"Tasty Fresh"

Too much bad poetry,
Oh noetry
I'm dreaming of Kinky boys
From Kinky Tom I hear orgasmic noises
I've got a big erection!
Your dildo is surely delicious confection
Yeah, verily
This is the best shit I've ever smoked, merrily!
You just got syphillis,
Must've been that wet, kinky Tom kiss
Just cause I suck dick
Doesn't mean you should too

--I believe this one was a collaboration, but written mainly by Lauren Thomas

Note that not everything in those poems is entirely accurate.

2006

The oh-noetry book tradition was carried on in 2006 by Devin Alford and very nearly filled up by mostly fourth years and some kick ass third years too. Sadly, someone left the book back stage after the talent show and the doors to the auditorium remained locked.

Examples of oh-netry from 2006 follow.


Benny's Story

Benny be saggin in da hood. He be walkin in, up to no good. He be throwin rocks at dem po-folks, cause they weren't blingin like your boy. (checkit, yo)

Da chase commence after he pops 'em a moon, den he started rollin, like his favorite tune. Da enemys car was all up in his grill, and Benny took a straight trippin spill, (Check one, two, three...anything but that!)

He woke up on a stool, dat much is true, Der was a noose around his neck, he was feelin pretty blue. He jumped off da stool and the noose came undone, Den the sticks started flyin, but they didn't have no guns. (cause that wouldnt be TiPpropriate son!)

Benny started treddin cross New York, but fell into a sewer, man, what a dork! Oops, I mean foo, yeah foo. (Check it dawg!)

Benny, we ain't callin you out, we just want da truff. Man, peace out (person of African American descent)!


BY: Alexis Chaney, Devin Alford and Jacob Smith

Comment by Benny: and that's the true story of how I was unsuccessfully lynched

Greek Classics
Oedipus was a motherfucker.
Literally, haha.
Someone should really sucker-
Punch him, yah!
-Emma Miller
See also Bad Poetry.