Matt Rothardt

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[Matt Rothardt is a former TIPster and an RC at Duke East Campus Term 1 2011. Matt attended Duke TIP at Davidson Term 2 in 2004 and 2005 and Duke East Term 2 in 2006 and 2007. In 2011 Matt was the RC for the most excellent RAG to ever inhibit the north wing of the 2nd floor in Alspaugh during the 1st term at Duke East in 2011.


Le RAG

On the first day of TIP Matt was fairly disappointed in his RAG. This was due to our “lack of enthusiasm” when we cheered for him at the meeting in the Bladwin Auditorium(the lack of enthusiasm was due to the fact that no one in the RAG cheered but instead cheered for Megan’s RAG.) Because the members of Matt’s RAG felt so bad about not cheering for Matt they decided to be over enthusiastic for the rest of the term. The RAG did things such as chant matt’s name, penguin walk behind him, and treat him as a demi-god. After being informed of all the rules of TIP in the meeting in Baldwin we had to meet with Matt and he had to explain the rules...again. While explaining the rules he noted that if we wanted to interact with people of the opposite sex we must keep things vertical. You could do anything horizontal, perpendicular, exponential, or parabolic. On the first Saturday of TIP the Silver Snakes won the Legend of the Hidden TIPster challenge (because we were awesome) and Matt’s RAG decide for their reward they would make a rule for Matt. After a week of deliberation Matt’s RAG decided that the rule would be that whenever Matt was about to start a conversation with one of use he would have to bow down and say “I’m not worthy.” It was a great rule due to that fact that no matter what Matt was doing he would have to drop everything and bow down to us. During the second week sometime Matt got so tired of all of our pointless what if questions and disrespect he sent us all to bed 15 minutes early and took away John’s what if question privileges.

Durham Bulls

Before going to the Durham Bull’s game we were forced to wait at the bus stop for a long period of time. Since Matt’s RAG doesn’t like not doing things that may or may not be TiPropriate for long periods of time we decided to see how long of a line we could make coming of a bench of sitting on other peoples laps. The line grew to include everyone in Matt’s RAG including Matt before Scott moved and everyone in the line feel on their poop factories. It was over all a good RAG building experience that made Matt’s RAG what it is. On the second week at the Durham Bulls Baseball game Matt’s RAG started the conga line behind Matt while singing “Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, MATT!” over and over and over again. Because of the obscurity of this act the RAG got a lot of weird looks from the people at the ball game.


Late in the second 2nd or early in the 3rd week Matt began to ban words starting with a certain letter at the dinner table. This began because of the group’s excessive use of the word douche. So Matt decided to outlaw any word that started with the letter d. For the rest of the term Matt would say a letter at the beginning of dinner and we were not allowed to say any words starting with that letter (this rule was not enforced very well.) The only day in which Matt did not say a letter was on his day off. On Matt's day off Andrew took over Matt's seat and feeling so empowered he decided that he would torture everyone by making the letter of the day x. Because the letter of the day was x the people of Matt's RAG were not able to say their favorite words such as Xerox, xenon, Xanax, and most of all xylophone. Matt's RAG was so cool they even had their own gang side. The gang sign was the west side gang sign but upside down so it would form an M. Due to a conflict Matt was not able to be an RC at Duke East Term 2 (Matt not returning for Term 2 is probably for the greater good of the poor children who would have to be in his RAG because he would hate them so much since they wouldn’t be as cool as his Term 1 kids.)

RAG Nights!

The first RAG night consisted of going to Ben and Jerry’s, walking around 9th street to find out how lame it was, figuring out that Sean was actually in our RAG, and jumping off of obstacles and yelling “parkour.”

The second RAG night consisted of ordering Chinese food and watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Due to the fact of the movies great lines Matt’s RAG quoted Monty Python for the next day or so.

The final RAG night for Matt’s RAG consisted of flaunting Matt around while he was dressed as a cheap courtesan, shaving Matt’s hair (quite poorly), ordering Cookout, showing off our mad ultimate skills, and attending the last part of TIPlore.


Chill Corner

After the nightly RAG meetings(which almost always ended with Matt dismissing the meeting ever though we were clearly not trough asking all of our what if questions) some of the members of Matt's RAG would go and hang out in the far end of the hallway the dorms were on. This corner hangout was called the chill corner because it almost always consisted of males lounging on the floor listening to complimentery music provided by Skippy. The conversations that took place mostly consisted of talking about music, telling people about being chill, and how to succesfully stare off into space and chill. On the busiest night Skippy, Andrew, Joshua, Michael, Asian Josh, and Vishnu all gathered in the chill corner. Many a time the people in the chill corner were stepped over due to the fact that we block the door to Skippy's room. "The chill corner was a great place to relax and clear your mind dude... and think... about not thinking" - Chill Corner User


Serenades

Asian Josh had quite a habit of flirting with the members of DJ's rag. Naturally, this led to a ridiculous challenge by DJ. The terms: write a song about DJ. Josh ran to his room and began working on the song. He and Michael came up with lyrics and chords. Vishnu just happened to walk by and use his awesome mustache powers and insane skill on the viola (yes, viola, not violin) to come up with an amazing improvised accompaniment which made the song a whole lot better. (Derek occasionally added his random vocals, like in the recording for a few seconds) It was performed for DJ on the Last Day of the term, while the talented trio were surrounded by their adoring fans from Alspaugh. The song was also recorded on DJ's computer and Derek's camera. Due to our rag's pure devotion to our wonderful RC Matt, Josh serenaded Matt with the same song, but with the lyrics changed so "Matt" was said instead of "DJ."


Lyrics to "DJ" :

DJ

I'll miss you when I get home

DJ

I like it when you say "Leave Emma alone"

DJ

You're original, not a fake

DJ

I always Talk to you at break


DJ (Dee-Jay)

You are hotter than a flame

DJ (Dee-Jay)

I don'lt know your middle name

DJ (Dee-Jay)

You always brighten up my day

DJ (Dee-Jay)

Hey Hey


DJ

You're so fly like a kite

DJ

You shoot lasers out your eyes

DJ

When I leave you, I will cry

DJ

I don't wanna say goodbye


DJ (Dee-Jay)

You are hotter than a flame

DJ (Dee-Jay)

I don't know your middle name

DJ (Dee-Jay)

You always brighten up my day

DJ (Dee-Jay)

Hey Hey


(Viola solo)


DJ (Dee-Jay)

You are hotter than a flame

DJ (Dee-Jay)

I don'lt know your middle name

DJ (Dee-Jay)

You always brighten up my day

DJ (Dee-Jay)

Hey Hey


(Viola Outro)


Other Musical Stuff

There were other musicians in our rag. Skippy, both Joshes (although white Josh played classical), John, Vishnu, and Michael all played guitar. Andrew, George and Michael played drums. Derek played violin. Vishnu played viola (and while he was practicing he was often listened to by many fans). Some famous musical acts from our rag include the talent show, with Skippy's original and John and Asian Josh's cover of "Our Song" by the Plain White T's in the talent show. Vishnu and Skippy also did duets to popular songs, such as "Handlebars" by the Flobots, "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones, Viva la Vida by Coldplay, and "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence.


Popular sayings in Matt’s RAG included:

“Keep it vertical”

“MATT!”

“Matt’s group represent!”

“NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN”

"Parkour!"

"Matt's group don't represent!"

"Im going to beat you with my words"

And many more


Members of Matt’s RAG:

Duke East Term 1 2011

Andrew Gavin-Yeah go NORTH CAROLINA!

George Gallagher-Paco, architect of The Prank, the best hugger;)well thank ya stranger;)

Robert Green-The guy that was high as a kite in the sky

Harry “Skippy” Adams-The Latino Butterfly

Josh Joo-JEW

Scott Miller - the one who never seemed to be able to be on time for meetings so in turn was sent to bed early on a regular basis

Sean Keady-The quiet with a crazy alter personality

Derek Rogers-STALKER and "the guy who had to make a tuff decision"

Brandon Head-The guy that had a medical condition of flipping people off

Vishnu Gottiparthy-The Stache

Joshua Cowles-AKA white rapper, that dude in the pink shirt and sweatpants, or "that tall awkward kid with glasses"

John Nikkolaou-Fancy clothing guy, the guy who asked to many what if questions

Adam Lowinger-The guy that had the awesome shirts

Michael Bowcutt-The fruit killer and the ninja stalker guy, "Ooga", guy who wasted $40 on a failed laxative prank against Matt.



The Prank

George Gallagher was acquainted with many tipsters. Sebastian and Coleman were some on the infinite list. On the first week of East Term 1 2011, the dynamic duo decided to buy laxative pills(Makes you have to fire those colon cannonballs at an alarming rate) to try to prank some of their friends to consume them. Nobody fell for it. So being the jolly good fellas they are, they decided to take two pills each. And as you can guess, them ass goblins came soaring out. They only had one problem besides their erupting cattle cookies. They had one pill left. Sebastian and Coleman generously donated the last laxative to George. Being the genius that he is, George knew immediately what he had to do and who the target was: Matt. On the last Friday of Term 1, George put the plan in action. The plan was simple: itself, get Matt to leave the table and slip the hell's candy into his beverage. Once Matt left the table, George slipped the pill into his drink. Milk. Momma's Boy. Though the creamy texture of milk created the perfect camouflage. There was only one problem. Matt came back with a whole new drink. But remember, George is intellectually awesome and good at thinking on his feet. He slipped the milk into Matt's new drink: Water. Momma's Boy. He also mixed in orange juice and Coke to make a new concoction. George would create a scenario for Matty: His RAG had innocently made this insane mixture and they had dared him to drink it. Michael even put $40 on the table betting that Matt wouldn’t do it, pressuring him to do so(Oh yeah, reverse psychology). All this with having Matt still unaware of the butt driblet pill in it. Without hesitation, Matt chugged down the drink. With glee, George proclaimed:"Hey Matt, expect rain 3-6 hours from now!" George than proceeded to celebrate with his RAG on Matt's expression. As they were congratulating each other, George realized a great mistake: The pill had stayed in the cup of the milk and had never gone into the drink. I WAS SO PISSSSSED! And so at the end of the day, Michael lost $40, Matt did not experience any anal impaction, and George hung himself in his room. Though realizing it was a bad idea to be dead, George told the grim reaper jk. The Grim Reaper is a Richard Cerebellum and didn’t comply. George then told the grim reaper to f**k off, took his scythe, stabbed the grim reaper in his Sandra Bullocks, and proceeded to come back to life. El Fin



Matt as a TIPster

Matt took Philosophy his first year, Debate his second year, High Spirits his third year, and Abnormal Psychology his fourth year. Matt was very active in the llama peace protests his third year, and is the blood brother of the Llama from when a Llama flight went wrong and he caught the Llama, scratching up his hand. His blood can still be seen on the Llama. His 4th year he and the rest of Mike Sori's RAG completed The One, and topped it off with Wendy's frosties at his suggestion. Identifying details of Matt would have been his gators hat that he was far too protective of. And since everything you just read about Matt as a tipster before this sentence was wrote by Matt himself, its time to get to what really happened. Matt was that kind of kid that wasn't a super nerd but not exactly the most social kid on the block, if ya know what I mean. From the research I've done(Interrogating Matt) there was this one girl that had a crush on Matt but he had his eyes on another sweet thang. Her name: Unknown. Her color hair: Unknown. Her gender: Unknown.(Jk Matt). All we know is that she must of been a pretty amazing girl to steal Matt's hearts. But there was a brick wall in the middle of the path to getting her for young Matt. His roommate had noticed this girl because of Matt and stole her from Matt's flimsy grasp. I know right, what a douche. After that the story of that girl ends. Or just locked deeps in the annals of Matt's mind. It is also known that Matt was an OK to mildly good to average to normal to pretty good to meh ultimate player as a tipster. But even as a fourth year he didn't make watercolors. It's ok Matt. You can cry on our shoulder any time. Though only during cell phone hours of course. Also besides the llama brotherhood, Matt was also part of the Cool Ordinary Calm Kids. If your smart enough you'll get that.

Other Names: SAH



Life after TIP

Before becoming the best average RC EVER

Not much is known about the time before Matt's tip years as a tipster and an RC. Except for me. I know stuff. Matt was a pitcher on his baseball team in Plano, Texas. As king of the hill as you can get. He was and still is a huge Thundercat fan. Oh yeah Matt, I know stuff. But his entire life changed one day. It was a brisk afternoon. Matt was taking a walk and soul searching and having a man banging coconuts together for sound effects when all of a sudden he was abducted by a north european swallow and taken to a mysterious building somewhere in North Carolina. After being briefed on how the weight ratio of being carried by a swallow, he was told he was in Center Of Control Knowledge. There it is again. The head of the agency hand picked Matt of his skill set. I thought for sure he was going to be an intern. But I was wrong, DA BOSS chose him to be a rookie field agent ASAP. His destination: East Timor. His mission: Investigate a murder. His status: Dangerous, very dangerous. Once he arrived his contact there had given him the house of somebody that could give him information on the murderer. Later that night, he was trying to break into the unknown informant's house in the humid East Timor night. After 2 hours of pondering and failed attempts on trying to get in, he realized a shocking detail: The front door wasn't locked. Artard. After casually walking in he used his incredible spy skills to find the bedroom. Plus the informant snored like an elephant. Matt tenderly opened the door He cast a glance at the sleeping informant and a wave of surprise hit him. The informant was a FEMALE. A GIRL MATT, good job buddy. But Matt forgot about that weight ratio, she could hear him as soon as he walked in. But as she looked over to Matt, the moonlight seeping through window hit Matt's poorly chiseled face and his teddy bear like chubbiness and it was love at first sight. Jk she was like EW who is this creep in my house and jumped out her bed and put Matt in a choke hold. Pathetic Matt. But Matt was a former tipster and smart enough to use his roofies spray on her. After she came to, Matt needed answers. He beat her, choked her, and slapped her..... With his words of course! He was able to get out of her that she was an agent for the Command of California Killers. Third time if your counting. Though shortly after, the effects of the spray wore off and he was forced to use more roofies on her. Accidentally, he used to much and unfortunately wiped out her mind completely. That night Matt and ****** *****(Matt didn't let me use her name. Poo head.) did not keep it vertical at all, for an extensive period of time. Must of lost her common sense too there. KIDDING MATT. You know I love you! They both decided to retire once the returned to Amurica.But Matt being the tool that he is didn't read the fine print in his contract and wasn't allowed to. But thanks the law firm Kountry Kases Killers(Im on fire), Matt found a loop hole and was able to retire as long as he stayed in North Carolina. YEAH NORTH CAROLINA(Your covered Andrew). A year later he mysteriously slipped into the TIP program.




Written by, Andrew "The man with a plan, Jackie Chan, drink out of a can, didn't pull for Japan, lives in a van, wears an afghan, cooks things in a pan, punches the postman, blows up Sudan, aint in the Klan, watches CSPAN, don't speak Shan, aint gonna scan, stronger than Tarzan, got a light suntan, pee's in a bed pan, don't eat no bran" Gavin Plus George Gallagher(I don’t have a middle name as long or catchy as that).

P.S. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT ASK MATT A QUESTION OR HE WILL THRASH YOU(WITH HIS WORDS)OR GIVE YOU THE MATT STARE( ALSO KNOWN AS A WOMAN'S STARE)