|Course(s)||Philosophy in Film and Literature, Literary License Without Limits|
|Roommate(s)||Kennedy Jordan, Sara Windsor|
Anna Jones is perhaps one of the most chaotic tipsters to ever walk the Duke East campus. She is a third-year fourth-year. She is known for saying the stupidest things imaginable at the most inconvenient moments, starting "dance cults" at TiP dances, wearing sunglasses on her head at legitimately all times, getting a "dummy thicc" anklet stuck to her body, writing a five page essay about TiP, and adopting anyone and everyone. She can often be found walking in circles around the quad with her friends, writing anything and everything, talking on the groupchats, or sitting in the halls talking to anyone who happens to walk by. In 2019, she got engaged to a total of ten other people, most of whom became her best friends later on in the term. She is kind of loud and annoying, but likes to think she's a nice person who can make other people smile, even if it is through her sheer lack of braincells.
In 2018, Anna took Philosophy in Film and Literature at Duke East, which was her second choice class. Her first choice has been erased from memory, as it was at West and West is fake. It was perhaps one of the more chaotic experiences of her life, given that she walked in knowing nothing about philosophy, though it introduced her to some of her lifelong friends, including Tate Clemons, who is her mother/older sister despite being younger than her. We don't talk about that. She was deemed most likely to disagree with the entire class, which was too accurate, as in every discussion, her opinions were incredibly different from everybody else in the class's. Her catchphrase of the year, as much as she hates to admit it, was "I'm not articulating this well," even though everybody told her she was doing fine. Yeah. 2018 was a rough year as far as Anna's self-confidence goes. She was best known for saying things that when taken out of the context of the conversation (or even in the context, for that matter) made absolutely zero sense whatsoever. Every sentence out of her mouth was punctuated with finger guns, and her highest daily total was seventy-eight in one day. She was in Dipali's RAG, which became known as Moist, and her roommate was Kennedy Jordan. It was here that she met some of her best friends, including Amy B, Carolina Larracilla, and Emma Peters. Her RAG superlative was simply the statement "ACCEPT OUR COMPLIMENTS!!! (Please)," which backs up the fact that she was one of the most self-deprecating humans to ever walk the earth. She was often found sitting in the halls crying on someone or another or writing.
In 2019, Anna returned to Duke East and took Literary License Without Limits, where she truly thrived, since she actually knows things about writing. Upon arrival, she was excited to realize that contrary to what she believed, there were more than three people in her class. She instantly hit it off with a group of people she has affectionately nicknamed the Cotton Eyed Hoes due to their tendency to do the Cotton Eyed Joe to any song and every song, much to the dismay of any other class that witnessed it, and on the fifth day, became engaged to them. Perhaps her best friends this term were Katie Maddox, the 2020 Blazemaster and an ultimate crackhead, Madison Tucker, who she was frequently seen bopping to Copacabana with, and Macie “brightside” Richardson, the biggest Killers fan you will ever meet in your life. It was this term that she truly realized how much chaotic energy was trapped inside her, and she let it all out through her writing, which she will gladly share if you ask. Included in this term's writing projects is her essay about Duke TiP (found at the bottom of this page), which made everybody in her class cry at the reading at the end of term. She wishes she could say she feels bad about that. Her superlative was "most likely to square up with JK Rowling," which is entirely valid given that many people's first impressions of her were her screaming about how annoying JK Rowling was. She was in Vanesa's Homies this term, and her roommate was Sara Windsor, who dealt with so much more than she should've from Anna, who would walk in, announce random things, drop her stuff, and walk out with no context. Their main hobby was bracelet making, and it was during one of these sessions that she made her dummy thicc anklet...and proceeded to tie it so tightly it wouldn't come off, leading to a source of many laughs for her and her friends. Her RAG superlative was "most likely to stain her shirt on sickle and hammer spray paint art," a painful reminder of the time she leaned on fresh communist propaganda on the first RAG night. She also adopted many second years this term, including Lotte Chanter, Elisabeth Miller, Anisha Kafle, Elaina Bayard,Evie Shapiro, and many more. Chances are, if you spoke to her once, she adopted you. At the end of term, she was named the Historian by Garrick Reeder for the 2020 term.
Anna wrote an essay about TiP during her third year, which made her entire class cry very hard at the end of the term. By popular demand, she's posting it here. Follow this link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SfgYrYGCfXuRFQa4k7kSEmVov50fCbLV9akDpmfK-pE/edit?usp=sharing
- She possesses one braincell. His name is Fredward. He's been on vacation for the past fifteen years.
- One of her assignments in Lit Lic was to write a story about a gym, but nobody in her group had ever been to a gym and ended up writing about an antelope and a person named Diane, which later fused into Diantelope. Anyone from Spoken Word 2019, I'm sorry.
- Her favorite tradition song is Vamos A La Playa, for reasons unknown to man
- She will willingly square up with JK Rowling at any given moment.
- When she puts on her fedora, she becomes IndiAnna Jones
- Both her years at TiP, she has participated in a Disney themed TiPSync. The first year, it was to "I've Got a Dream" from Tangled, and the second year, it was to "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Hercules. Both times, she was wearing silly costumes.
- She plays the drums, the ukulele (badly), and the kazoo (also badly).
- Will hug anyone she's ever met, no matter how often they've spoken.
- Is a whole Broadway hoe, namely for Something Rotten!, Les Mis, and pretty much anything else.
- Probably isn't literate
- Her skin is the color of Swiss cheese
- Is consistently singing Copacabana or Waka Waka with Madison Tucker
- Got a "dummy thicc" bracelet stuck to her leg. Also has a bracelet that says "yeehaw" on it.
- Was in Alabama's first ever production of Matilda, and had one line (Snarkolepsy).
- Can Cotton Eyed Joe in any shoes in existence due to her Yeehaw Alabama Blood.
- Randomly Capitalizes Words for Emphasis, despite mostly only talking in lowercase.
- A certified mosquito magnet.
- Proud member of the Cotton Eyed Hoes
- Owns a pair of Shrek ears she wore for third year Quadfest.
- Was once followed by Rico from Penguins of Madagascar
- She is married to at least seventeen other people. It's a long story.
- Performed Vance Joy's Riptide alongside Macie at the talent show, and also did Toxic with the Kazoo Karens in the same event. It was a shock to many when it was revealed she could actually do something.
- Cannot pronounce anonymity.
- Is one of the orchestrators behind the Noah C. Cornelius interview of 2019, scheduled for...soon.
- "Lil T is my rapper name."
- "Salad tires me out."
- "Life thrives in the Pit."
- "You know what would make this fun? A whole werewolf."
- "We're going to de-circle our circle."
- "Christopher Columbus was probably high the entire time he discovered America."
- "Please never let me dance around to Charlie Brown music ever again."
- "Oh no, my depressed ping-pong boy."
- "Oof, I've oofed."
- "I'm the angry thicc boy from Aladdin."
- "Fight me, scrub nugget!"
- "I'm not going to do drugs, probably."
- "I can't tell if I'm exhausted, tired, or both."
- "Don't add the existentially troubled vegetables."
- "Gluten-free capitalism."
- "You come out of the womb and you're RRRRIPPEDDDDD!"
- "I look like a woodchuck."
- "Have you ever seen your sleep paralysis demon look this disappointed in you?"
- "I literally met Shrek three times that week. The Donkey animatronic yelled at me. It was a whole thing."
- "As Selena Gomez once said, the heart wants what it wants."
- "I live in a perpetual state of 2013."
- "In the most non-furry way possible, I am an easily excitable golden retriever."
Note From a Hoe
So as some of you may know, I am Anna Jones' #1 hoe. I met this beautiful specimen first day, where I constantly called her 'Anna From The Groupchat' and heavily intimidated the majority of our class. I asked her to marry me the first week, and so yes, we were legally required to be best friend. And we totally did that. Anna, this crackhead, this beautiful woman is one of the best people I have ever met in my entire life. I would die for her in a heartbeat. I am so happy to call her one of my best friends ever and get to marry her next year in the ShitPit. I knew from one of the first moments I met her when she asked me how to spell 'disappear' that she was A) Illiterate B) The most amazing, funny, smart person I'll ever get to meet. Anna, I know you're reading this somewhere hehe so I won't go into detail but thank you for letting me confide in you and you in return, you truly know me and I know you in a way that no one else does. That's a beautiful thing, yeah? I don't have the answers for next year - fourth year is terrifying, that's for sure. But I'll tell you this - Tipsync, Class, Talent Show, Doctor Doctor, Basset, Ninth Street - I want to do it all with you. I'll text you later babe ILYSMMM!!!!! -KT
A Note From Someone Who LOVES ANNA
I am the biggest Anna Jones stan. I will fight all of you for the title, and I'm sure none of you will come close to winning. Because I love Anna with my whole entire heart. She's my favorite theater nerd, talent show companion, fellow Mr. TiP competitor, go-kart passenger, Alabamian, TiPProm date, and, most importantly, my absolute favorite hoe. I am so, so glad I met her this year. I don't think I would've made it through term without her there to show me around, to listen to me complain, to cry on, or to take part in my many, many shenanigans. Anna is one of the sweetest, most genuine people you will ever meet. Her smile (and, always on the top of her head, her sunglasses, ironically) brighten literally every single room. I couldn't be more excited to go through my fourth year with this hoe. Anna, I love you with my whole entire heart. xoxo, m'b'r
A Note From A Lost Girl That Anna Found
Anna always talks about how much everyone at TIP helps her when she is struggling, but she always seems to overlook how much she helps other people. I came to East this year a shy, anxious kid who did not know what she was doing with herself, EVER. I met Anna the very first day and she welcomed me with open arms and the brightest of personalities. She is one of the kindest people I have ever met, and It is because of her that I was able to enjoy my third year. She helped me open up so that I was much closer with my class and with people in general than I had ever been in years before, and I can not thank her enough for that. I loved being a cotton-eyed hoe with her, chanting "illiteracy" with her, writing about diantelope with her, and just spending time with this amazing human being. (I'm about to get cheesy, so brace yourselves) As a fellow broadway nerd, I would just like to say that Anna Jones made me finally understand what the song "You Will Be Found" from Dear Evan Hansen really means. I love Anna so so much and I can't wait for our fourth year together. - Sophie Knapp